“Mother, you must be out of your mind!” Ellen Fulton's eyes blazed with indignation as she put down her coffee cup with a shaking hand. “He's the same age as your children, for goodness' sake! Have your little fling, if you must, but stop talking nonsense. Marriage, indeed! You can't be serious!”
Edna Hedley, still trim and smartly clad at age 67, stiffened and her carefully made-up face settled into a petulant pout. “There's no need to be nasty, Ellen,” she replied defiantly. “You're being selfish, aren't you? It's really about money, isn't it? You think Maurice is a fortune hunter. Well, you're wrong! He loves me! And that is all that matters!”
Ellen was speechless. She rose quickly, gave her mother a peck on the cheek and fled. Reaching her own condominium in the opulent gated community, she snatched up the telephone and called the family physician, also a trusted friend and, often, an advisor. When she finally reached Dr. Williams, she told her story. The kindly old doctor tried to soothe her nerves, but had no answer to Ellen's concerns about her own children's inheritances and her mother's welfare. He suggested she turn to a financial advisor for help.
Tread Lightly, Win Big
The vignette above has all the ingredients for a family disaster: love, loyalty, the family inheritance and a potential clash between generations. When a single wealthy parent decides to remarry late in life, adult children may have legitimate fears for the parent's well being. But they're also conflicted because they're in financial competition for the parent's assets. While the kids are fuming, the parent may be radiant — energized by feelings of love and companionship that may have lain dormant for years. Handling such a situation requires finesse and objectivity — and a good financial advisor can help provide both. If you handle the situation appropriately, you can emerge as a family hero and win additional referrals — here's how:
1. Help
the kids appreciate the good
news
Aging parents suffer from fears
of decline, dementia, isolation
and loss of independence. A
loving relationship is more
potent than any drug to offset
the inevitable impact of old
age.
2. Help protect the parent
The new companion could be a
charlatan, even a fraud. Seniors
are perpetual targets for all
kinds of greedy people, and even
a little discretionary cash or a
Social Security payment stream
can be attractive to an
opportunist. A very discreet
detective agency can provide a
background check.
3. Prenups are not just for
the Trumps
A family attorney we know in
Florida says he creates
prenuptial agreements for
seniors on a regular basis.
Legitimate protection of assets
is a critical component of
effective planning, especially
since those assets may be
required to support as yet
undetermined health care needs.
If a relationship is headed to
the altar, a good family
attorney should be invited (and,
incidentally, could end up being
a terrific referral source).
4. Living relationships need
structure
A close personal
relationship can improve both
the quality and security of a
parent's daily life. But legal
complications abound, including
state property laws dealing with
co-habitation. For example, many
continuous care retirement
facilities will not admit
unmarried couples. Again, a good
family attorney can provide
guidance.
5. Plan ahead
Ask all of your best clients
about whether their single,
aging parents are seeking, or
being courted by, suitors or
companions. Most aging seniors
have considered life without
their spouse and we suspect any
that have accumulated assets
have a strong opinion about
where those assets should go if
they pre-decease their spouse.
Trusts preserve the intent of
the asset accumulator and can
protect the family harmony if
all parties understand the
motivations behind the trust's
creation and provisions.
As longevity rises, more and
more seniors are apt to remarry
following the death of a spouse.
Be prepared to address the topic
by discussing it with current
clients and developing
relationships with family
attorneys who can help you
provide solutions. Your
professionalism in such a
delicate matter will encourage
client loyalty and impress the
family's attorneys — and lead to
further future business.
